The Top Five



1.    CC Club, Minneapolis MN, (1994–present)

adopted home of the Lieutenants of Leisure;
setting of the greatest, most heartbreaking
piece of prose you’ve written that will never
see the light of day

2.    Uptown Bar, Minneapolis MN (1987–1996)

alleged home of the Little Uptown Girl;
spiritual center of the universe through the
dark twenties; where Joel and you met Slash
and Duff

3.    Turf Club, St. Paul MN (1996–present)

former home of the best pinball machine ever;
where the beautiful-beyond-belief barmaid
once wore a teeshirt from the Beaver Trap bar
on Ottertail Lake

4.    First Avenue-Seventh Street Entry,
Minneapolis MN (1987–present)

legendary home of a floor so sticky, Gina had
to pull you off it post-PJ Harvey; the only
place in which you have ever been called
“bra”; where you shook Brother Wayne
Kramer’s hand after he cut in front of you for
the rest room

5.    Sportman’s Center, Vergas MN (1988–1990)

now a Conaco station